Rock The Bedroom Podcast
This podcast talks about how women can be more confident in the bedroom, and have the best sex of their lives--to create passion and playfulness in and out of the bedroom.
Rock The Bedroom Podcast
Ep. 19: Power Couple, with Lana & Blake
Lee (and co-host Lyuba) engage in a heartfelt conversation with Lana and Blake about the power of each of them expanding their bedroom skills. They discuss how communication, vulnerability, and dedication to personal growth have enriched their connection, transforming challenges into deeper intimacy and joy.
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On the show today. I have with me the Luba Venable Woo. The crowd goes wild. I've had her on my show before and we had such a good conversation. That was about Yoni eggs. We're going to be talking about something completely different today. In fact, I'm not even going to be, shall we say, interviewing her. She's going to be co-hosting with me and I'm so excited because Luba is like it's like we are both sides. We're the opposite sides of the same coin. So if you've been listening to my podcast or in my world for any length of time, you know that I work with women to help them have better relationships and better sex lives and better communication in the bedroom and all that. And I work with women, whereas Luba is kind of the flip side to me. She works with men and helps them to be a better partner for their significant others. So I am just over the moon to have Luba back because she is such an authority in what she teaches. So thank you for being on the show today, luba.
Speaker 2:Thank you for such a sweet introduction, lee, and I just, like you, don't need introduction on your podcast.
Speaker 2:Obviously, and I want to share this from my heart how I know you that every time I interact with you, when I get on your coaching call or we're having a conversation, I feel so uplifted. Any block I had, anything like I felt very small or something hesitant, you just remove all of those scenes and you create this huge possibility. I feel so inspired by you and all the women in your program. They're so lucky because, in addition to that, you have this gold of information about penises. Like Lee had an honor of touching 2000 penises, oh my God, I feel like such an amateur and discovered so many techniques that when I was, I have been around the corner for a while and I thought I know everything about penis, what to do with the penis, and, oh my god, going into Lee's program, it's just like the scenes she shows, the scenes she does, oh wow, just blows my mind. So this is lee through my eyes and through my heart oh, thank you.
Speaker 1:That's so sweet. Um, I love that we both admire each other so immensely. Um, yeah, love the work that you're doing and we're gonna. We're gonna highlight that a little bit today because we have awesome guests. Do you want to talk about our guests? Yes, I do, I do, I do.
Speaker 2:I so do Because our guests today, this lovely, amazing couple and they chose to use not their real names, so they are Lana and Blake, so we want to protect their privacy, which is like totally understandable. And I just want to say that, with these lovely people, uh, I was at an event the other day and just seeing how both of you are so just like on the rise on the ride, just like glowing, so flowing with each other, and you have been like just expressing that, how amazing it is that both of you doing work, pleasure, work to bring it into your relationship. And after that I was talking to Lee and saying how amazing it would be if two partners were like bringing into the relationship. Just like learning one partner learns, one partner learns with me, another one learns with lee and then brings it and you are doing it and so we want to share with the audience, like what it has been your journey.
Speaker 2:So welcome lana and blake, we're so happy to have you here.
Speaker 1:So, yeah thank you so much for being willing to come on the show today. I so, first off, we're going to get into the juicy stuff of what an amazing couple that you are. But first off, I want to kind of go back and get a little bit of context to this story. So before you began this awesome journey of both of you intentionally improving your relationship together, what was like the biggest problems that you had regarding your intimacy or your relationship in general, either with each other or past relationships? Like what was, what were the sticky points that made things not really working?
Speaker 4:Well, I think one of the things has been this issue of how to be true to ourselves and be in relationships with each other. So not wanting to get lost, losing ourselves in the relationship.
Speaker 4:So, that's definitely something that has come up and that we've put a lot of effort into understanding and working on for sure. And I would say also that one of the things that I've dealt with is feelings of what at first I thought was jealousy, but then I realized it's more envy. I'm envious of how beautifully she's able to interact with the world. So she is just full of huge, big, long contract hugs with people and these kinds of things, and so when we first were getting together, I'd be kind of standing there while she's in one of these long hugs and I'd be like who am I? Chopped liver, you know it's like. So it was like a whole thing that I worked through to, where, um, I'm better able to uh, see, um, to experience the joy of the whole, the whole interaction, and to be a part of that, as I'm just to be a witness of the joy is, itself brings me a lot of joy.
Speaker 1:Right, and just for clarification, blake, you're talking about when she's hugging another man? Yeah, and being fully in it and you're on the sidelines just watching this. So a little bit of security came into, or insecurity came into play there. Okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 3:I was in a relationship before. For me, the most difficult thing to ask for what I want and feel what I want.
Speaker 1:Because I understand in previous conversations with you, lana, that prior to meeting Blake, you were in a different relationship and you weren't. I guess you didn't feel secure enough to express what you needed and you didn't feel secure enough to express what you needed and you you didn't have the words you didn't have, you didn't have a good communication with your last partner. Right now, you both clearly have um learning and exploring each other and honoring each other and each other's needs as a priority, but you didn't always have that as a priority, right, like? So I want to dip into that a little bit. Like, what was that? Like? Being with a previous partner where you had to go through that muck of this isn't working. I don't even know why this isn't working, but this isn't working. What was that like? Like? Describe that a little bit for me.
Speaker 3:I wasn't. It was sexless marriage. I tried to communicate. Sex is a beautiful thing for me. I love love making. I love to express who I am and it's energy beautiful energy of life force, and to not be able to express and shut down myself and suppress all my feelings and not have any sexuality soul in my life. For many, many years I felt I'm dying inside. I'm doing my work, I'm doing my hobby, I'm mother, I'm friend, I'm doing my work, I'm doing my hobby, I'm mother, I'm friend, I'm wife and at the same time, I'm not myself. And it was very, very difficult for me and I committed to who I am today. I will never betray myself if it's important to me. I need to find the way. I need to learn how to communicate this to my partner and to feel my precious needs are met. And I'm here to meet my partner's precious needs and to understand how this dynamic is working.
Speaker 3:And pleasure is a beautiful thing, it's just expensive.
Speaker 2:And to learn how to please each other and be able to ask for what I want to feel, yeah yeah, and you know, like I see you as this, there is something genius about you as a couple because, like how you say that we are students, like you really love to learn, and so many people don't understand this piece, it's like assumed that, oh, like relationship, sex pleasure, it's like we know it, like just by default, but we don't right and so, um, at some point Lana, you joined Lee's program, and then Blake, you join my program and then, like I know, you do other scenes right. So you're doing this inner learning for your relationship, for your, for your couple, for your energy, for your sexuality.
Speaker 3:It makes difference huge difference when both partners in the program or different programs. And the curiosity what are you learning? Can we just try and let me demo to you something sweet which I learned and it's playful and it's expensive To us.
Speaker 1:it's expansion and showing I truly care about my part yeah, and I guess that feeling of wow my partner's willing and open to learn things, so that says a lot about their commitment to me. Like they, they want to make me happy.
Speaker 4:It's gonna feel good exactly when it comes to love making. Lana is already a gourmet chef. She's a gourmet love making. And but then when she's in the class with you, she's learning new dishes, she's learning new techniques.
Speaker 3:I'm bringing them in and I'm like, oh my goodness and just it's easy to learn, it's easy to remember marshmallow or pancake, you know, it's just cute and butter and I love to cook in real life and I like to cook in our bedroom.
Speaker 4:It's sweet.
Speaker 3:It's absolutely sweet.
Speaker 1:That is so good, okay. So, lana, how did he respond in bed, like in the moment when you're trying these new techniques out on him that you learned in the program? How did he physically respond in in bed, like cause some people are like. I find that the bedrooms usually a fairly quiet place and people are, you know they're, they're feeling sensations, but they don't always show them and I don't know what Blake's like in bed, so I don't know. But I'm curious did you notice any different kind of response when you did some of these techniques on him?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so in the very beginning of class I learned this conversation how to relax him in a bit. You don't need to reciprocate, you don't need to do anything. When I'm delivering the little sequences of what I learned in the class, I hear this moaning and groaning and fun we truly, truly have fun in the bedroom.
Speaker 3:It's like two little kids just playing and I'm so fortunate he can give me feedback. Oh, this was gourmet, this was just amazing. Oh, and I like this combination. Oh, you did gourmet, this was just amazing. Oh, and I like this combination. Oh, you did not do this before oh and that excitement have so many tools in my toolbox now. I'm so confident I can just go without any agenda and just say would you like to receive? And yes, yes, yes, it's so thumbs up and, yeah, it's fun, it's absolutely fun.
Speaker 4:I always say, you know, our love making has always been wonderful, um, but it's just become more and more energetic. It's become more. It's like I frequently now just find that it's like I'm just floating out the window.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so a couple of times I'm just checking Are you back? Come on, come on, come on. It's basically with my technique that I can levitate him out of the bed and he's floating. The energy of pleasure and energy of receiving, and it doesn't matter if he is erected or not, it doesn't absolutely matter, it's so playful and we don't have any goals, we're just playing, oh my.
Speaker 4:God.
Speaker 3:So much difference.
Speaker 1:Do you find that it it kind of transfers out of the bedroom too, so not just during lovemaking, but in your, in your relationship in general? Would you say that you're more playful or more affectionate or like I'm? I guess I'm wondering, obviously, if you're learning bedroom techniques, it's going to make things better in the bedroom, but I'm wondering if that ripples out into out of the bedroom, if it has made the rest of your relationship with your clothes on better as well yes, for sure, people are asking us are you newlyweds, how many years have you been married?
Speaker 3:And we come up with fun stories. We are joking around.
Speaker 4:We tell them we've been married 55 years 30 years for me, 25 for her. Different people. Yes, we get feedback from people about us as a couple, like in my family. They're so happy that we're together.
Speaker 3:My sister-in-law said you're finally with someone that you deserve to be with and I like the idea of gourmet sex and gourmet lovemaking and just slow and this is dancing. It's absolutely different than presence and confidence.
Speaker 4:I have these techniques and I'm learning how to be present and it's beautiful and you know the slowness is such an important part of that, because the slower we go, the more attention there is such an important part of that, because the slower we go, the more attention there is to that moment, to that point of contact.
Speaker 3:Is our, our whole consciousness is in that one touch, and so it just brings it so alive and I remember one time I was cooking, cooking in the kitchen and blake came after class and he starts the practice in little pieces and I said oh, did you learn in Lubas class? Guess what? Absolutely so, yeah, only one thought he is in the class. He wants to be a better lover. It's already turned out Right.
Speaker 2:It's like every partner is like doing extra work, learning extra stuff, putting extra efforts into being a better partner, into bringing more pleasure. How hard that is right yeah when you think about it.
Speaker 1:We, we take cooking classes if we want to be a better cook. We take knitting classes if we want to learn new knitting patterns and new techniques. Like we we take schooling of some type if we want to get better at a certain skill. That's just a no brainer. But when it comes to the bedroom, we just assume that, oh well, you know, you just stick it in. That's all there is to it. And like this should be natural. It should be.
Speaker 1:No, it's not natural and we're dealing with other people's body parts that we don't have if you're in a heterosexual relationship anyway. And so it's like how am I supposed to know what a penis feels like when I touch it in this way? Or how do I know what my partner needs before we even get into the bedroom? And I think that's one of the things I love that Luba starts with in her program is that she doesn't just dive into okay, here's a woman's hot buttons, touch this, do it in that way and you're going to make her have an orgasm.
Speaker 1:She starts outside of the bedroom and you know communication techniques and a lot of men when they want to get better in bed, they want techniques like, okay, tell me where to touch her, tell me how to touch her there, tell me how to make her have goosebumps. And I think a lot of men don't realize that it's the stuff that you do before you even get in the bedroom. That's the magic. So, blake, I would love to hear from you what that journey has been like, learning all of that free bedroom stuff um communication and affection, and all that that you learn in luba's program. How does, how has that changed the degree of magic in your intimacy?
Speaker 4:Right, right, um, absolutely Right. I mean Lana will say that a foreplay begins the moment that we uh, you know, finish one lovemaking. You started the foreplay for the next Um and uh, I, I think it's true. It's things like, like you mentioned, you're cooking in the kitchen and I'm giving you kisses, or whatever it is, but it's also about communicating. We had a period of kind of a reset and during that reset we had to reassess what was important to us about our relationship and so forth.
Speaker 3:We were in for a week without being in contact, which was very unusual for us, and through that experience I think we had more of an understanding of the importance of that, all of those aspects of communication. You know, outside of the bedroom what I see is if Blake is taking trash out or complimenting me or reading me books loud, or it's all for play and little techniques are gone. And again, communication is a key To just be able to sit on the sofa and just talk hours and be curious what did you learn new?
Speaker 2:can we try, can just wait yeah, yeah, and and I just want to say that that, like men and women, we are very different, right, like when we are in heterosexual relationships, that a lot of times it's just like we don't. Um, we're thinking one scene. When it's not working, we're thinking it's one scene, right, but for our partner, who is like another gender, it's just so different. Like a lot of men, they're thinking of like, oh, like, if I have issues with the reaction or if I have premature ejaculation, they try to fix it to pleasure their partner. And then women 70% of women this is statistics don't orgasm from just penetration, so there are other scenes that make them orgasm.
Speaker 2:Right, it's just like, if we go into just those statistical places and something that, just like I come across that vulnerability these days there is something so yummy and hot to have vulnerable men, to be able to have a man who is just like, who can get vulnerable and, blake, I experience you in our coaching calls just like getting so open and so vulnerable, just so, so beautiful, and it's amazing to see how men who come to the program they're willing to like.
Speaker 2:It's like vulnerability is a new sex like. Back in the day we thought that like, oh like men cannot be vulnerable. If you want some feelings, go to women and today, just, I think it's just it's the next level that we can have this like a strong man and all of those qualities, and then he can get vulnerable and just like, just be like listen to us, hold us emotionally, just like that emotional aspect. And so I'm curious because, lana, I don't, we don't have you in our call, so I'm curious how it has been affecting you. You know, like from this, like the core desire, like, did you experience Blake, like trying to understand your core desire, or like understand more sense about you? Did you experience that vulnerability piece, like how it has been on your end?
Speaker 3:like how it has been on your, on your end, you very on a target. We are so different, male and female, and my fourth desire is in my mind, my mind does my mindset. I need to be safe and to um communicate my safety points, to completely dearmor myself and be who.
Speaker 3:I am and in all levels and all my chakras just feel I'm safe with this man and sometimes, when he is honest, he says I'm sorry, I said something and I shared your feelings, so just feel this to me. It's something I did not experience in any of my days.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's like he opens your heart and then your flower opens.
Speaker 3:Everywhere it's open only because my mind is open, my heart is open and my flower is open, Absolutely. And what we experienced during this test, and I communicate to Blake if I'm not safe, I'm closed up, I don't want anything, I don't want talk, I don't want anything, I don't want talk, I don't want to play, and when we are vulnerable and we are expressing how we feel. Intimacy is about emotional connection and it's beautiful. I feel more and more connected to Blake and it makes a difference.
Speaker 1:I love that you brought up the communication piece because a lot of women feel unsafe.
Speaker 1:I went through decades of having being active sexually and not really being able to express that I didn't feel safe.
Speaker 1:In fact I wouldn't have even used those words, although now I have those words like I don't feel safe, Whereas before all I knew was just, oh, something wasn't quite right. And I don't think I like sex as much as other women, but I didn't know. It's just that I was in the wrong environments and didn't feel safe, and men didn't realize they were making me feel unsafe and I didn't know how to communicate that to them in a way that made me feel safe, to communicate it Right. So a lot of women they, when they get into my world, they're thinking oh okay, we've got over 69 different techniques, I'm going to know all that, and that's all he wants anyway is just wow me in bed. So you know I'm going to learn all these techniques, but then I throw you all these communication things in the program and the either or questions and the let him off the hook, and all that that you mentioned very briefly in the beginning. What has that been like for you to discover new ways to speak your truth?
Speaker 3:Before. If I delivered something to my man and it did not make him happy, I would think I'm doing something wrong.
Speaker 3:I'm shut down and I'm not going to ask what's wrong. And same thing if I'm just receiving and it's not feeling, I could feel numb and I could not have a word to ask. Let's just change something and conversation about safety and not just not perform. You don't need to perform, you don't need to have this fear I'm performing or not performing, just enjoy. Let's enjoy our love making and either. Or questions it makes huge difference. Uh, we start in a blueprint. Uh, force this one or that one, which one, which side do you like better? And to hear honest answer I like more pressure, I like the different angle. Oh, let's just adjust a little bit. And it's regular conversation. I don't need to be afraid to ask oh, let's get another P-roll, I'm not comfortable. Oh, let's pressure more pressure. So I learn to ask my partner if it's okay for me and it's working both sides. I can have a freedom to ask for items and make a decision.
Speaker 4:And I think it's really important too, when you're receiving this kind of communication, to not take it personally and say, oh, I'm doing this wrong and how come I can't please you, and so forth, but rather to to hear it and understand it and make the change and and uh. And then you know and ask is this, is this better, and is there anything I can do to make it better?
Speaker 3:Right. And this question how I can make better. It's too sexy and so huge to none for me. He wants to make me feel better. What could be better? And I, in the same time, when you're program lead, I'm learning how to make kids feel better, and it's not set at that, but we are in the same journey. We are learning how to please each other, how to understand each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really important to understand your partner because they are inherently different than us, just by just physiology. You know biology. They're just totally different. And I'm curious, blake, when Lana so how did it make you feel, blake, when she used that let you off the hook to perform, like, basically tried to make you feel relaxed, like there's no finish line here. We're just going to explore, I'm just going to try these techniques on you, just relax.
Speaker 1:And just so that I don't know if she explained this to you for the background, for the listeners as well something like 60% of men over the age of 40 will experience some kind of erection issues and and that weighs really heavily on men especially like for their ego, that's a punch in the gut and it can totally roadblock a sex life. Like it's like, oh okay, you can't stick it in. Well, I guess we're doing nothing today. And so so for Lana to actually say those, those words, to let you off the hook, to feel like you had to perform in any way, what was, what was that like for you to hear that from her? Like, did you have, did you feel more loved unconditionally? Did it relax you? Like? What was that like for you?
Speaker 4:Yeah, for sure. Well, one of the things that made it particularly pleasurable to hear is that you were saying these things to me at the same time that you were in fact caressing me, and so I was experiencing wonderful pleasure, at the same time that she was saying that you know, it doesn't matter if you get hard or not, and you know the technique she was doing. At that point I was soft and it just felt wonderful. So it was like oh so this is good, like this is perfectly fine.
Speaker 4:We're actually very happy right here, you know, and then you know, usually things end up changing and usually you know the spirit rises. But you know, if it does or doesn't, it's like either way we're going to have a beautiful time together and either way, the closest the connection and the energy of the connection is there. So we're, you know it's kind of like it's a no lose, it's a win-win situation. You can't, you can't go wrong and that's a that's a great feeling.
Speaker 3:And we both feel love. It's a freedom to not conform. Just let be and be beautiful, Absolutely.
Speaker 4:And something that I'm just realizing as we're talking is that there's actually things that you can do with a flaccid team that you can't do with a hard team, so it actually is an exploration all of its own.
Speaker 3:In my observation, when I'm telling my partner just relax, you don't need to be worried about things, it's already creating this mood of relaxing. And guess what? Lovemaking is becoming better and better and better every time because he doesn't need to fear if his spirit will rise or not. Anyway, we're going to have a good time because we have so many tools in our toolbox, and you know.
Speaker 4:I remember way back when we first started a few years ago, that there were times when I felt frustrated that I couldn't, you know, perform and so forth. So it really is something that has evolved in our relationship as we've learned more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So what you're saying right now, it's just so healing for a lot of people because in our society again, there is this like image that like, oh, like cock has to be hard and suddenly, if it's not hard, both partners they don't know what to do. Right, like the cock owner, penis owner is like oh my God feels like pressure, is like, oh my god feels like pressure. And then their partner is like doesn't know what to do either. Right, but like, but like.
Speaker 2:There is, like you said, like so much fun to have this soft penis. Like until I dated older man, I never experienced a soft penis. And then I was like, wow, like this is so much fun because, just like gliding soft penis on my pussy lips, it's just so enjoyable. The hard cock will not do that. And then, just like so many, like the least techniques specifically for soft penis, and then like sliding inside, just like you can slide actually soft penis inside and then like feel how it's growing. It's like, wow, it's yeah, totally like, it doesn't have to be hard and then you can ejaculate with a soft penis. It's like who said it has to be hard?
Speaker 4:yeah you know a couple things about that, and one is that there's kind of a round thethe-clock move that you can do that you can't really do with a hard team.
Speaker 4:The other thing is to emphasize into the going slow also, is that you can insert just that much and you can be together with just that much inserted and and it's beautiful. And then you know sometimes when you're that far away, then you know you gradually find yourself moving in a little further, but the notion that you can you can take 10 minutes to answer it literally that we can do that and everything is welcome in the bedroom.
Speaker 3:It's no wrong to write. It's beautiful. Let's just experiment and ideas to give each other feedback. It's another good tip just not be afraid and not take risks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and these challenges that people don't talk a lot, just not be afraid and not take for granted yeah, yeah, and these challenges that people don't talk a lot, that we all have challenges in sex, challenges in relationships, right, it's not that like, oh, one day you reach that point that you are all good. Those challenges, they're always there. It means we are alive, it means we are close, we are intimate, and then tools, having those tools to address them, that we get even closer right. And and so I wonder, lana, if you have um, you know, for women, for women listeners, like any challenges, like if you came across, like I hear a lot of from men who join my program that they would say like, oh, my partner has low libido, she doesn't want to have sex, I wonder if you ever found yourself, you know, in that space, if you can speak to that.
Speaker 3:I was for many, many years without sex life and everything inside of me. My flower was numb. I could not, I did not have desire to touch myself, I did not want to even talk about so. It was that time when I was dying inside and I did not know what to do with that. I know it could be too temporary.
Speaker 3:If you have a partner who cares about you and who knows how to just slowly open you up and just knowing that beautiful words of affirmation. My love language is words of affirmation. My love language is words of affirmation. I need to hear about myself and all together, little by little, step by step, it's opening up, it's healing. So it took me a couple of years to heal and be in this place where I am now and I'm so proud of myself and my partner.
Speaker 3:Just very slowly and attunement to be attuned and just communicate what is working for us and what is not, what I feel and when I feel and be able to say today I feel good, let's just play, or today I'm tired, let's not and not be done, it's another thing. It's beautiful, um way to just be and being as a couple and understand and not not nothing. Take personal, it's nothing to do with my partner. It's how I feel today and, as we talked before, my mind, my heart and my flower three of them are connected. So I need to just feel in my heart that love and feel he's vulnerable, he wants to make me happy and he's learning with me how to open me up, and it's beautiful thank you for saying that because I think a lot of men and women will lose hope, like they're in a horrible long-term relationship.
Speaker 1:Their spouse either dies or divorces them or whatever, and they just feel so, um, um, jaded, and they've, you know, maybe they've only been with that person for a long time and so that's their only example of what a long-term relationship can be like.
Speaker 1:And so for you to say that Lana is just so inspiring, um, that you were in such a dark place and you've come so far, like I'd say you're at the total opposite end of that situation, and so you know, you're not numb down there, you're so alive and so excited about intimacy. And whereas that was not the case. So thank you for saying that because I think it gives a lot of people hope that it's because a lot of people will make blanket statements like, oh, I just don't like sex or my partner, they're just, you know, we're just roommates now, like we just don't, we're not intimate anymore. That's just how it is and that's not necessarily how it needs to be. It can change, and and when, when you either have a different partner or you have a same partner who wants to learn just a little bit. Just something new, a little bit of a change will make a huge difference over time, and and you guys are great examples of that. So, speaking to that, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And go into this difference that again, like men and women, we are so vastly different and for a while we women we didn't know how different we are, because sexually, because sexologists historically, they are men, because sexologists historically they are men. So it was expected that like, okay, like orgasm from penetration, men orgasms, women should orgasm too. And if you don't orgasm, like I don't orgasm from penetration, I thought something so wrong and so broken, right. And so you know, like, when any partner doesn't want to have sex, I usually say that they probably not having good sex, because when you're having amazing, mind-blowing sex, like looks like you guys are having, you want to have it again and again because it's so good, right.
Speaker 2:And for women, what turns women on? A lot of times it's vastly different from what turns men on and we need to understand those differences, right. And that's where the education comes in that, like for women, like running in the field of flowers, feel eye gazing, touching the hand, like those can be very hot moment making out for hours, like those can be very hot moment making out for hours, versus for men, it can be like something more, um, like feeling prime, feeling like an animal, and I'm just like giving this vague examples, but it's just like we can be like so different yeah, yeah, you know, I was thinking also about the that issue of is this something that you can fix with your current partner or is there a need to transition relationships?
Speaker 4:And I think one of the keys is like for us, there was a 10-year period of your transition where you were learning about yourself before we even met.
Speaker 3:Yes, and it was a situation in our own relationship when I was asking myself I was in a relationship before and I'm not feeling expansion. Do I need this relationship? And we choose to be together and learn about words what it's all about, and mind the mind. God, what is that? Why? Why I need to have my relaxed mind before I can open my flower and just be sexual with my partner.
Speaker 4:And I think that idea of expansion is one of the things that we value we both value very highly in our relationship. It's one of the things that we submit to that we want to expand and learn and grow together. And that notion of safety and we tie that together with freedom that the more safe we feel, the more free we can be to be ourselves and to be ourselves around other people and so forth. So safety and freedom are very much connected to us.
Speaker 1:I 100% agree, yeah, yeah, it's really hard to feel free if you don't feel safe.
Speaker 4:Exactly.
Speaker 1:It's impossible, yeah feel safe, like how does it make each of you individually feel that your partner is actively learning how to be a better partner? Often it's usually one sided. Like you know, one person with usually the higher libido person wants to, you know, learn some stuff, go to school and figure out how to fix their partner, whereas you each are trying to fix yourselves in a certain way, like improve yourself, to be a better partner to your significant other. So how does it feel, knowing that your partner is wanting to better themselves for you? I would love to hear that.
Speaker 4:Well, you know, I would say ooh, la, la, that's so good.
Speaker 3:For me it's too none, but I know he's learning about himself and he wants to be a better partner. Just the notion of be better, not fix me, not change anything in me, just be the best version of himself. Be better than yesterday and know that, know more than yesterday.
Speaker 3:So, each week, he is learning more and more about sexuality and sensuality and we learn in the very beginning of our relationship I'm more sensual and he's more sexual how to just relate to each other and implement both sensuality and sexuality in our relationship and enjoy who we are without changing. Enjoy who we are without changing. We use this term cut arms and legs to just put partner in a small box. How to just be who we are. For us, it's life, it's a learning experience. We committed to this and I don't know if it actually exists. I know everything about myself. I'm learning every day about myself and I'm learning every day about the way the metaphor about cutting off arms and legs, I think is really helpful.
Speaker 4:It simply comes back to us a lot If you can imagine somebody's driving down the road and they see someone that they want to offer a ride to and they can go on this journey together. When the person starts climbing the car, they find the car is too small. So she cuts off an arm to fit in the car, but the car is still too small. So she cuts off a leg and then the car is still too small and it doesn't work. So we say it's all about getting a bigger car.
Speaker 3:Yes, party bus why?
Speaker 4:do you need?
Speaker 3:a bigger car? Yes, party bus, why to? Just they need to need a bigger car, you know, party bus with dance hall and have fun exactly.
Speaker 4:So we're always saying like oh, I don't want to cut off your arm I don't want to cut off your leg here, and an example is this thing of how I deal with her being flirty with other guys. You know her flirtatiousness, that is natural to her and it's part of her, her juicy. You know love of life. You know it's part of who she is, her joie de vivre, and so I don't want her to cut that off, just you know, because she's afraid of how I might respond or how I might feel if you're hugging some guy. So you know, I want to be encouraging of her to be her full self.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, and I want to add one more thing that both of you are not mentioning that it takes to be a humble person. There is that humbleness to say you know what, there is stuff I could learn and like it's okay, I will learn it and I will bring to my partner. Because I come across like those people who talk like, oh, like, who kind of like, have that belief, like, oh, I'm this great lover. They talk about it. They're not necessarily that great lover, but those who are just like, they don't say much, but then, when they do, your mind is blown away. So I think that's you, that's the two of you that like being humble, like, yeah, there is more for me to learn yeah, more to learn yeah, having that open mind is huge.
Speaker 1:I mean, how would you think that things would be different if only one of you were actively learning to be a better partner and the other one wasn't?
Speaker 3:I was in a relationship which I tried to learn and bring more and more and more to the relationship and my partner could not receive, and I was absolutely upset and sad with myself. What should I do? What is today? Learn more to satisfy another person and after many, many years, I understand, um, nothing, only what I'm doing. I'm just expanding myself and, um, when I'm spending myself and I'm not afraid playing um, it makes huge difference. And to have a partner who is learning about himself and learning how to please a woman, how to please me, and asking questions, do you like this? Could we try this? And sometimes my answer is no, because I know I'm safe in this relationship and it's not no forever, it's for this moment, it's moment by moment and it's only available for us because we are learning together. It's learning, it's learning.
Speaker 4:Absolutely, and I think that thing of learning together, when you're on a path of committing to learning, you're more likely to draw someone into your life or to attract someone, be attracted to someone else who's also learning and growing in the same way.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 1:You're attracting a whole different person. Right, when you go through a personal development journey, you're not attracting the same partner that you used to attract. You've changed, so you're a different type of magnet. I guess, like other people are going, those old guys like, for example, I no longer attract total losers anymore. Total losers anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the bad boys who wanted to mooch off me and weren't interested in stepping up and being a man. I I always attracted those guys. What's wrong with men? No, it was what was wrong with me. I was attracting that kind of guy. And then I became very much empowered in the bedroom, you know, I was taking on clients and giving happy ending massages and whatnot. And so I became very confident in my ability and and knowing that I was a better person, I also was looking for a man who would step up as well and have a few skills under his belt, physical and otherwise. And and all of a sudden, the guys who were the bad boys and the guys I used to attract no longer even interested in me. Like they, I would repel them? Yeah, totally, I just would. I was not a match to them anymore.
Speaker 1:So that's what I tell the single ladies in my world is like, yeah, start on yourself Like you will next time you go on a date. You're going to be way more confident and you're not going to put up with with the riff raff that you might've put up with before, because now you know your own self-worth and you're going to be attracting a man who will appreciate a strong, confident woman. So you're right. I mean, I think I've seen this happen in so many relationships too, where the well, from my perspective, the woman which are the people I'm training the woman will start learning some skills, take them into her relationship in the bedroom, out of the bedroom, whatever, and all of a sudden he starts shifting and he starts changing how he is.
Speaker 1:It's almost like she's infectious, he is, it's almost like she's infectious. And and he, you know she lays down the hatchet and and and just tries to start fresh. And I'm going to treat you like a king and I'm going to work on myself and be more respectful and all that, all that. And when someone is treated differently, they ended up behaving differently. So in some aspects, it's great to have both the man and the woman in a heterosexual relationship willing to learn, absolutely. But I find that if one person's willing to learn. They can kind of like infect the other person into wanting to learn too, because they realize, wow, things are getting better. Maybe I should get on board too, because this is good. This is the most action we've had in months or years or whatever In my previous relationship.
Speaker 3:My vibration is changing.
Speaker 4:And.
Speaker 3:I'm like the lighthouse I just beam in light and who wants to be near me, they're just coming on my light and who is not? I understand, I'm not everybody's stuff, you know. So somebody likes me, somebody doesn't, and it's perfectly fine. It's my confidence, it's my feel for me to feel good about myself. If I feel good about myself, my partner feels good too, and I can share my different vibrations.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and just to add here for the single guys what I usually say, that there is such a virtue in understanding how to like, how, how to be the best lover for her, how to know that like to really shake her universe. Um, and just like so many men want that they just like they, they come for coaching for that. That like they, they want to know because there is the desire to pleasure your woman. And so learning that is just such a key because most women are not visual. There are exceptions and most women it doesn't matter how a person looks visually, it's how we feel with them, that vibe, that what they say, how like how they show up when we feel that there is like great lover embodied, sitting next to us in the cafe. We can smell it, we can sense it and it's just like we're just gravitating towards them.
Speaker 2:So, so, learning that I think it has to be like as boys growing up, like maybe a mom or an older sister or aunt needs to teach this stuff. It's so essential, but then no one teaches us right. So now we have Lee and myself that, like we are so passionate to take on this, like let's teach that, because the more I am in it, I'm learning for myself, my relationship keeps like we keep adding stuff, because it's just like there is so much to learn and like just to sink that, like that one position, one way to orgasm, like one compliment, to say that that's enough. It's just so sad. It's like going to McDonald's compared to going to like gourmet restaurants every week, different ones, right? So this is just like the wealth of information out there and tools.
Speaker 1:Yes, 100%, I think. I mean that's why I have this mug spicy. We have to keep spicing it up or it's gonna get stale. And so it's like we don't brush our teeth so they're squeaky clean and like, okay, great, my teeth are good, I don't have to brush them anymore. You gotta keep brushing them to keep them shiny. And you have to keep working on a relationship to keep it fresh. And by work. I don't like work sounds arduous but I don't know the what. The way that I've seen Luba teach and and the way that I know that I teach, this should not feel like work. This should feel like fun. It's fun, it's super playful, right? So it's. I mean, it is kind of a win-win in that you can have fun on the journey to having a fun relationship. You know it doesn't have to be. Oh, let's work through this stuff Like it. Just opening up your heart and softening towards your partner does so much in making them feel safe to just be real and to have a heart to heart conversation.
Speaker 1:And then everything opens up.
Speaker 4:Absolutely. Our new year's declaration is we are loving and playing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, loving, I love that, luba. Do you have any other questions to ask this?
Speaker 2:couple. I think the time just flew by that we had such such a great, such authentic, real conversation and I'm just like my gratitude, my heart is just like exploding with gratitude for the two of you to be willing to be here and to share about your journey. I envision so many more couples to do what you guys do, because that's like you're a super couple. You're this like successful, beautiful, amazing, sexy, playful power couple. Sweet, yeah, yeah, playful power couple Sweet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you're so inspiring. I'm just so grateful that you've both agreed to come on the show today and give us your authentic experience. With each of our Luba's world and my world, I mean it's just so powerful and so inspiring to show other couples what's actually possible. So thank you so much for just being open and honest and willing to share so good Our pleasure.
Speaker 1:Thank you. And so for my audience I have. I have a mix of women and men in my audience and a lot of the well, I just teach women. But there are men who listen to my show too, and so I had asked. I'm like, hey, you know, like for the, for the men that I am definitely not servicing anymore, then can we give them an incentive to try out your program and, you know, learn the stuff that Blake's learning, because I just don't work with men anymore, I only work with women.
Speaker 2:And I only work with men.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I only work with men. Yeah, so, like I'm, I'm willing to offer your ladies Luba like a coupon code If they want to check out the membership to find out if this is something that is up their alley and they they resonate with and they're ready for. So if there's any women out there who are, who are interested, my coupon code is membership10, like membership10, to get 10% off their first month to just dip their toes in See if they like it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I want to say that I join a lot of coaching calls. I join with Lee. So for my women who've been at my pleasure retreats and those who miss interactions, I'm there. I'm not every call, but like a lot of calls I'm joining. So we are, you know, like we have this every week. I don't join every week, but whenever I join it's just like. It's like old times hanging out and Lee has her wealth of information, just like, so supportive, like the group of women, so, so beautiful. So I encourage you to check out her program and then for men, we will have the link and I give 10% discount as well.
Speaker 1:Let's give them Luba10 for joining your program and we'll spell that it's L-Y-U-B-A Okay, program, and we'll spell that it's l-y-u-b-a okay, yeah, let's do a 10 and we'll put the. Uh, we'll put the, the link, the urls in the yeah, that already have the codes in them, so that it will be already there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, awesome.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you so much, everybody, everybody for joining me today. Luba, you're such an awesome co-host. You're my first co-host I've never had. Oh, you're my first, so this is awesome. We got to do that again. And Blake and Lena, you are awesome, so inspiring. Just keep doing what you're doing, because you both are so filled with love. I mean just looking at your beautiful faces and sorry for you watchers out there We've we've made them anonymous so you can't see their faces, but they're such a beautiful couple and and love and adoration is just oozing from them.
Speaker 2:So it's the energy, the energy is coming through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm sure you can feel it. Yeah, they're just so so lovely. So so I hope that the listeners are inspired to learn more about themselves, be more curious about their partner. It's it's so much easier than people think to be a better partner and to have a better relationship. It's not as hard as you think. It might feel hard because what you've been doing hasn't working, but that just means that you've been doing the wrong things, that's all, and we're all flying by the seat of our pants and we don't have a lot of good role models out there. So, of course, you're doing stuff that isn't quite working sometimes, and so you need a little help. And that's why Luba's here, and that's why we're. I'm here and just to give people a few, a few tips and tricks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's very well over the years and I would inspire a couple.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, thank you so much everyone.
Speaker 4:Thank you.
